Well....sort of. The run wasn't canceled, amazingly enough, but when Ben and I woke up this morning at 6:00 to start getting ready, it was raining and 40 degrees (wind chill of 32), so we made the co-executive decision to stay home and run our own Silver Comet 5K Replacement Run for the Nike 5K For Kids. We sat down to play some WoW, and it started snowing, thus confirming (for us) that we made the right decision. Around 9:00, we stretched, bundled up, and headed out to run our SC5KRRftK5K4K, only to be dusted with snow for the first half of the run. Then the sun came out, but it was still chilly enough to be comfortable. For the last kilometer, I was thinking to myself, "man, I could've done so much better than this if I didn't have this stupid water bottle camel pack thing around my waist; not the best run ever, but it'll do, I guess."

Lo and behold, I jogged into the driveway, ended the workout, and was congratulated by my good buddy Lance (Armstrong, that is) on my new personal best for the 5k!





So, woot for that! It wasn't a very pretty run, or even a consistent one, but I'll take it! Now, a post-run snack and a shower before heading into town.

"Helloo?" mom answers the telephone, her voice full of sleep.
"Hi, mom. I just got your message from last night. Everything okay?" I ask, a little concerned by the tone of her voice in the message.
"Oh!," she says, suddenly wide awake. "I was just calling to tell you that I'm a movie star."

( Read more... )

some months ago, in a mid-something-state far, far away, magoo combed the barren land in search for a new workout video to motivate her to get her ass into shape. in the midst of her search, she stumbled into a local Target where she encountered a seemingly perfect video instructed by one minna lessig, entiled, "Optimizer: Fat Eliminator--30 minute circuit program + bonus 15 minute fat blaster". 'Oh joyous day!',thought magoo.'i have finally found what i have been searching my whole life for! a way to shed twenty pounds of unwanted flesh in a *mere* 45 minutes! huzzah! and she did a dance. well, kind of. more of an "i'm sooo happy" ass-shake around the store. but moving on. magoo gets back to her one-bedroom shack with a teenie-tiny living-room-type area, changes into some comfy clothes, and prepares to blast her fat, as it were. she pops in the tape. the warm-up isn't bad; minna, at this point isn't grating on her nerves so much as say, one Denise Austin, so all is well in the two-room shack. and then it starts. minna starts jumping. and then she keeps jumping. and, oh, have i mentioned the jumping? she's got these tiny fake boobs that don't move. well, of course, she probably HAD to get her real breasts removed and fake ones put in so that she could survive all of that fucking jumping around. she's killing magoo. killing her. magoo somehow makes it through the jumping and vows never to watch minna or any of her stupid jumping video products again.

flash-forward to this afternoon:
presently, far removed from the setting of her initial encounter with the evil wench of the east, minna, and in a newfound state of determination, magoo decides to put off studying for her exam tomorrow by working out. err..actually working 'in'. she tries to remember where she tossed the workout videos from her sordid past, err...she didn't mean that. *snort* sordid. she's so funny. so anyway, she finds the stack of ancient instruction and pulls out the one most appealing and most recently made. 'minna lessig. hmm. fat eliminator. hey...blast the fat in 45 minutes. allriiiiight...' she pops in the tape, as roomie is safely working out at the gym and not expected to burst in mid-workout causing magoo to spontaneously combust into a ball of fleshy fire. or something. she doesn't like people watching her whilst she's looking silly. so, she starts the tape, thinks, 'this isn't so bad. i wonder why i only did this once or twice? hmm...' and soon, the memories come flooding back. the sweat. the jumping. minna jumping around, smiling. minna and her tiny, fake, racquetball-sized boobs. the other women with minna who look as if they are repressing the urge to grab hold of that permy, skanky, bleachy hair, twirl that tiny body around by it, and give out a zena-warrior-princess-type "whalallalalalalallaaa!". or however it goes. the annoying encouraging (Denise Austin doesn't have anything on this bitch). "i know you're ready for this cardio! come on! that's it! now punch those arms!" oh, and did i mention all of the fucking jumping around?

so, needless to say, my workout consisted of me, jumping around in front of the television, per minna's instructions, of course, and uttering/sometimes shouting choice phrases, including, but not limited to, the following:
"you fucking cunt!"
"oooohh, you stupid bitch!"
"die, whore! die! and your little helpers, too!"
"oh, fuck this."
"oh, right. my ass, you're not sweating."
"are you people high?! or even alive? hellooooo?"
"you've gotta be kidding me? ooooooh, no you didn't. you *fucking* wench."

i don't recommend the workout for the purposes of, well, working out, but i do recommend it if you need a little stress relief and don't have any yoga handy. however, a warning should be given to those who are prone to fits of road rage and the like. consulting this video may result in the smashing, throwing, shooting, or somehow blowing up your television and/or vcr. minna. grrrrrrrr. you fucking bitch, you fucking whore.

eww. ass cheeks are actually sweating. must go remedy that. in retrospect, i'm pretty sure studying for my insurancey-type exam would have been more fun. oh but, yay! new buffy tonight!